PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
