I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
