your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
please come you make the beer taste better
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
