I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
