He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize