After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
