Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
