FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
