Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
