I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
