I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
