drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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