But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
