I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
