New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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