drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
