Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
