We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
