Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
