new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
