Soap is not a condiment
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
