it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This baby is an asshole
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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