She is in my trunk
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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