I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
