I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
