Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Is it penis luge time yet?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
