She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
