Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
