his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
