I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
