We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
