I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
