how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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