Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize