FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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