just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
