so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
