ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
