only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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