im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
