If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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