ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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