so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
