woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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