Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
