i just sent this text using only my big toe
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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