are you still at the devil's house?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
