I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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