It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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