What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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