Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
