For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
