i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
