two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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