trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
