never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
