you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
