Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
