i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
