remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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