never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
