Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
