but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
