I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You've changed since you got that strap on
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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