When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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