): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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