Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
