but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
