Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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