oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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