We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think I am morally bankrupt
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
