i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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