I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
