Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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