I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
