Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
