There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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