i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Your cock deserves a montage
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
