from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if only i could text you this smell
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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