Got a toothbrush?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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