I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
