The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
