Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
