i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
