To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
