Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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