All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
