i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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