Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize