why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
