sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
